2021/5781
Growing up with three older brothers is not easy. The big question is: Is there an obligation to honor them? In this week’s Parashah, we are given the Aseret HaDibrot, the Ten Commandments. Number four on the list is, “Kabeid Et Avicha Ve’Et Imecha,” “Honor your father and your mother” (Shemot 20:12). The Gemara teaches “Tanya, Kabeid Et Avicha Ve’Et Imecha ... Vav Yeteirah - Lerabot Achicha HaGadol,” “It was taught in a Beraita, ‘Honor your father and your mother’ ... the extra letter Vav comes to include your older brother” (Ketubot 103a). Rambam holds that honoring an older brother is only DeRabanan, but Ramban disagrees and says that it is De’Oraita. Ramban, however, rules that this obligation applies only while parents are alive. Others say it applies afterwards as well, and Rav Ovadiah Yosef rules in accordance with the stricter view.
There are several reasons given for why you have to honor an older sibling:
1. Ramban says that parents teach their children to honor their older siblings, so to be disrespectful to an older sibling is also being disrespectful to your parents (which is why the Ramban holds that this obligation applies only while your parents are alive).
2. The Bechor, the firstborn, is considered to be somewhat responsible for his younger siblings. This is shown by the Midrash Rabbah, “‘VaYishma Re’uvein VaYatzileihu’ (BeReishit 37:21) ... Rebbi Nechemiah Amar, Amar Re’uvein, Ani Bechor Ve’Ain HaSirchon Taluy Ela Bi,” “‘And Re’uvein heard and he saved him’ (ibid.), Rebbi Nechemiah said, Re’uvein said, I am the oldest and the blame will only fall on me” (BeReishit Rabbah 84:15).
3. When siblings are inheriting what is left to them from their parents, the Bechor inherits double what everyone else inherits. The reason for this is because he is considered his parent’s representative; therefore, he deserves respect.
4. The Arizal explains that just like we are obligated to honor our parents because they are the link between us and Hashem, so too, we have to honor our oldest sibling because the firstborn is the link between us and our parents.
One question that arises is: Which siblings must we honor?
The Birkei Yosef, based on the Arizal above, says that one must also honor their older sister. This is shown in two places. One is in BeReishit Rabbah, where Rabi Yudin says that the reason Rachel died before Lei’ah is because she spoke before Lei’ah (BeReishit Rabbah 74:4). The other is that Ula would kiss his sister’s hands when he left the Beit Midrash (Avodah Zara 17a).
Rashbam holds that the obligation applies only to one’s oldest brother.
The Arizal holds that the obligation applies to all older siblings, which is endorsed by Rav Ovadiah Yosef.
The Shulchan Aruch takes it one step further and rules that the mitzvah applies to all elder siblings, whether full or half, paternal or maternal.
Rav Ovadiah Yosef insists that even if the difference between the siblings is only minutes, a younger twin must respect their older twin. Ramban supports this idea by saying that Ya’akov tells his messengers to call Eisav ‘my master,’ so Eisav should think that Ya’akov still considered Eisav the Bechor and therefore deserving of respect, even though Eisav was only minutes older (BeReishit 32:5 Ramban s.v. LaDoni Le’Eisav).