Because a Kohen has a higher level of sanctity, he may not marry certain women. For example, the Torah (VaYikra 21:7) states that a Kohen may not marry a woman who committed inappropriate, sexual behavior in the past. The question then arises as to how the Torah responds to a case when a Kohen does in fact marry a woman whom he was not allowed to marry. Rashi (ibid. 8 s.v. VeKidashto) quotes the Gemara (:יבמות פח) which states that Beit Din actually forces the Kohen to divorce this woman against his will. Moreover, when presenting this Halachah, the Shulchan Aruch (אבן העזר ו:ו) goes so far as to say that, “a Kohen who married someone forbidden to him is excommunicated until he divorces his wife. Similarly, anyone who does business with such a Kohen is also excommunicated until the Kohen divorces his wife.” Simply put, the Halachah goes to great lengths to remind this Kohen that he must divorce his wife and honor his true status as a Kohen.
While this Halacha may seem harsh on the surface, the Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh sees tremendous sensitivity on a deeper level. Specifically, when presenting this law, the Torah states that the Kohen should be forced to terminate his forbidden marriage, “Because he is holy – כי קדוש.” The Ohr HaChaim explains that, generally speaking, “Kedushah,” holiness, cannot be forced onto a person. Therefore, we would have thought that Beit Din should not force a Kohen to divorce his wife, even if that is the right thing to do, because the Kohen needs to come to such decisions on his own. This is why the Torah emphasizes that the Kohen is already holy.” Those forcing the Kohen to embrace his role are not imposing outside holiness onto the deviant Kohen. Rather, they are bringing out a holiness that is already hidden within the Kohen. It is only because the Kohen is “already holy,” that the Halachah allows us to “force him” to accept his position.
This comment of the Ohr HaChaim has practical ramifications on the field of Chinuch and parenting. Often, parents and teachers are unsure how to respond to children and students who seem to be completely unmotivated to grow spiritually. I think that this comment of the Ohr HaChaim teaches us a few things about how to respond. Firstly, by nature, holiness is something that needs to be natural. Forcing people to “be holy” is not genuine “holiness.” This being said, we know that we must discipline and “force” the Torah to be kept in our homes. This is where the second part of the Ohr HaChaim comes into effect. Parents and teachers must realize that they “have home court advantage.” No one is trying to impose an outside concept of Torah and Mitzvot onto a Jew. By nature, a Jewish Neshamah is already holy and wired to connect to our traditions in one way or the other. In other words, there will be some form of natural connection between every Jew and some part of the Torah. It is the role of the teachers and parents to foster those aspects of our children’s personalities which seem to be the most “naturally holy.” For example, if a particular Neshamah is more wired towards “Chessed” as opposed to “Talmud Torah,” it is important to highlight that connection. When we highlight a student’s natural strengths, that encouragement often leads that student to grow in other areas as well.
While teaching and parenting require patience and Tefillah, let us not forget the teachings of the Ohr HaChaim. We must not force Kedushah but rather foster Kedushah. It is important to remember that there is so much Kedushah already present inside every Jew. May we all be Zocheh to receive the proper help from Hashem and guidance from our leaders, friends, and peers to allow us all to foster a community of genuine Kedushah.