2022/5782
At the start of Parashat Kedoshim, Hashem commands Moshe to tell Bnei Yisrael some familiar commandments, like keeping Shabbat and avoiding Avodah Zarah, but one statement in particular stands out in how its formulation differs from a similar line in the ten commandments: "אִ֣ישׁ אִמּ֤וֹ וְאָבִיו֙ תִּירָ֔אוּ," "You shall each revere your mother and your father" (VaYikra 19:3). This can be compared to the commandment to honor one's parents in Parashat Yitro at Har Sinai: "כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּ֑ךָ," "Honor your father and your mother" (Shemot 20:12). Let us explore the language of these seemingly similar but actually quite different Pesukim.
For one, there is a significant difference in practice between כיבוד, honor, and יראה, reverence. The Gemara (Kiddushin 31b) states that יראה concerns things that one should not do to his parents because they are inappropriate, such as not standing or sitting in their spots and not contradicting their words. כיבוד, on the other hand, describes actions one should do to his parents to respect them. One should feed them, give them drinks, dress them, cover them and bring them in and out of places. Not only should one perform actions to help his parents, but, as Rav Avraham Danzig, the Chayei Adam, explains, כיבוד comes from within: a person must respect his parents in his heart and see them as honorable people. Clearly, כיבוד and יראה are not the same, and, in fact, the Rambam, in his Sefer HaMitzvot, counts these as two separate Mitzvot Asei (#210 and #211).
However, a question still remains about the ordering of the Pasuk's words: we see that כיבוד and יראה mean different things, but why is the position of "father" and mother" switched in Kedoshim? The Gemara, starting a Daf earlier than above (Kiddushin 30b-31a), gives a fascinating explanation. רבי explains in the Braitta that it is clear to the one who created the world, Hashem, that naturally, a son has a tendency to give כיבוד to his mother "because she persuades him by words", so seemingly he is more comfortable and affectionate to her, and it is precisely because of that that Hashem put the father first, so that the son does not forget that he must honor his father too. On the other hand, Hashem knows that it is the nature of the son to revere or fear his father more because his father teaches him Torah, so Hashem reminds the son to revere his mother as well. This Gemara teaches us that Hashem knows we have certain instincts but we must still do exactly what He wants of us and we can't use these habits as an excuse.
These insights demonstrate that while one may think that the Torah is simply repeating something, there is always something to learn from every word and every letter of the Torah, because every word and every letter is there for a reason. What seems like two similar Pesukim actually teaches us two different ways to treat our parents and even gives us an insight on human nature, something one may never have expected at face value. May we be successful in fulfilling the two Mitzvot of כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּ֑ךָ and אִ֣ישׁ אִמּ֤וֹ וְאָבִיו֙ תִּירָ֔אוּ.